I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
