I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
