so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
