I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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