Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
