looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
