Yo dont text me then not text me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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