don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
