I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
