Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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