i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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