Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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