she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
