Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
