my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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