i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
