considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
