I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
