I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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