My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
