omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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