thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
