Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
