The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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