Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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