You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
