i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
