My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
