So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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