god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
