Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a search helicopter?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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