Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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