i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
