Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
