it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
