i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
