I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
