im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
