She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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