Tell her she can't have a vagina
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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