I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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