The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
