This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
