piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
