drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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