Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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