I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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