the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
