why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
