Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
