You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
