Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
