Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
