I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
