If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
