It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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