you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
